Chris

In my last blog post, you read that I really like New Year’s. It makes me stop and think about what I’ve done in the last year and what I hope to do in the one ahead. I think about who I want to be and what I need to do to become that person.

I’ve been looking forward to New Year’s for a while, mostly because I knew I’d be spending it with my college friends in Manhattan. Chelsea picked me up on Monday and I was so ready to get up to the Little Apple but I knew I couldn’t leave Mac without making one more visit.

Let’s go back a few months so I can preface this a little bit.  In September, my best friend from high school, Shelby, was diagnosed with Stage 3 Lymphoma. She had several large tumors in her chest and neck, and her condition was pretty serious. So, that kind of rocked my world.

 Fortunately, the chemo has taken care of most if not all of her cancer by this point. She is still undergoing treatments and is weaker than I probably realize, but she’s relatively ok.

A few weeks ago when I was still in Chicago before going home for Christmas, Shelby called and told me that she had just been to visit a classmate of ours named Chris in the hospital. Chris had been diagnosed with Stage 4 Esophogial cancer and did not have a good prognosis at all. The chemo had stopped working and he was being sent home. (He was going back and forth to Cancer Treatment Centers of America in Zion, IL.)

I had no idea that Chris was even sick, and couldn’t believe that there was so little hope for recovery. I wrote his mom, Susan, a message on Facebook just to let her know that I was thinking of them all and that I would make it a point to visit if I weren’t in Chicago.

Then, obviously, I went back to McPherson for Christmas. A couple days after the holiday I wrote Susan again and asked if Chris would be up for a visitor. She said yes, but warned me that he didn’t look very pretty and that he may not recognize me.

Before going into the hospital, I was nervous. I hadn’t talked to Chris in years. We were in the same class in our early elementary years, and chased each other around the playground rather frequently, if I do recall correctly. However, we didn’t really see much of each other after our days at Roosevelt.

Anyway, Chelsea came to McPherson to pick me up to go to Manhattan for New Years but agreed to stop at the hospital so I could see Chris. I made my way up into his room, where his mom and another woman were standing by his bed, weeping. Susan greeted me and told me that Chris was “there”, and listening and that I could hold his hand as I visited.

I sat down next to him, and tried to hold it together. Susan was right, he did not look pretty. The cancer he’d been fighting for a year had clearly taken its toll. The medication made him jerk his body a lot, but I held his hand anyway. It was oddly comforting for me to hold his jerking hand. I suppose because I hoped he felt my tangible presence and knew that I cared. It was good to be a friend to him even after so many years being out of touch.

I talked to him for a little bit, reminisced about our days at Roosevelt, and thanked him for being a good friend. I never, ever saw him do anything remotely unkind to anyone else. He mostly kept to himself, but was a very kind and caring person. He had a good heart.

Then, I prayed with him. I thanked God for the opportunity to know Chris and be friends with him. I thanked God for Chris’ peace with his situation and how admirable that was to me. I said amen, and talked with his mom outside for a few minutes before leaving to head to Manhattan and enjoy being 22.

Seeing Chris made me feel very selfish and sort of immature. While I was worrying about what to wear and where to go on New Year’s Eve, Chris was making his final peace with the world and getting ready to leave it.

Then Chelsea and I stopped by Shelby’s for a little bit so I could say goodbye to her and her family, and then we hit the road. We arrived in Manhattan and hung out with a couple of our friends that were already in town the day before NYE. Then I get a call from Shelby at 11 pm telling me that Chris didn’t make it. He passed only about two or three hours after I had seen him.

That night, I was sort of numb. I tried to be reassuring to Shelby as I knew it was even more personal and terrifying for her.

I called my mama and dad, and told them what happened. Chelsea came in to check on me and I told her. And then I just laid on Rebecca’s bed. He was ready to go, but I was still very sad and in disbelief that this had happened to one of my classmates who was only 22 years old.

I was in a sort of sad funk on New Year’s, but knew that Chris was no longer sad and in pain, and that I should celebrate with him. He went to be with Jesus and was finally able to be totally free in so many ways.

I’m writing this a week after his death, and am still not quite sure how to handle it. I know life’s not fair, but this just seems cruel. Our class has a group on Facebook where we can post stories about Chris. It’s been good to read stories from others about how Chris impacted their lives. (if anyone has access to this, read Ryan Linscheid’s post, it’s so beautiful).

 Pray for me and my classmates, but mostly pray for Chris’s family and thank God for his life and his legacy. Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.

A link to his obituary