Encouraged and Challenged

This week was better. Things at Grace Seeds are still going well. We’re planning for an event coming up in a few weeks which is fun, and also looking ahead to the upcoming months. I’m excited to put together a family cookbook for Grace Seeds and all of their partners. We’re collecting recipes and food memories from people and tying them all together in a fun cookbook. Anyway, if any of ya’ll have some awesome family recipes or stories and want to be featured in a Chicagoland cookbook, send ‘em my way! :)

Spencer- The kids are still bad. It’s still tough. But it’s ok. Last week a boy was getting picked on and tore up his artwork L. It broke my heart. Kids are so mean! Last Thursday was the best day I’ve had there. Don’t get me wrong, it was still stressful and tiring, but it wasn’t all bad. For starters, I got like 10 hugs! I love when the little kiddos say “Miss Clarissa!” smile and hug me. Ah, yay for affirmation.

Short story- This kid named Michael (about 9 or 10 years old) came in really grumpy about something. He was assigned at the green table and sat there or in time out for about half the class period, and was really sensitive to other kids looking at him or speaking to him. He would frequently outburst “Quit messin with me!” and stuff like that. Kicked his chair. Kicked the cabinets. He was just angry. Then Ms. D moved him to the purple table where the kids were better behaved. It was amazing to see how his demeanor changed when his immediate surroundings changed. He was quietly working on his art, he was CALM, and he asked me for help. I was able to help him with cutting shapes, and he was so proud of his work! And---he gave me a hug and a cute little smile at the end of class! Yay! It was ridiculously exciting for me to see that.

 Anyway, I think that’s kind of how all of us are sometimes. People can trigger us without meaning to. We become short with those whom we care about. There are so many things going on within us that we don’t even notice something’s wrong until we do something that we regret. Sometimes we just need to take a deep breath and remove ourselves from the situation, even if it’s where we are “supposed” to be. It’s amazing how the people and experiences around us define us. (human development—yeahhh!) See, there’s something that we can learn from everyone! Even angry 9-year-olds.

This weekend, my housemates, site coordinator and I went away to a KOA in Union, Illinois to tell our life stories. Intense, right? I love hearing testimonies, nature, fire, games and fellowship so it was a great time! I’d never been to a KOA before and it was rather interesting. It’s like camping for city people. You’re in town but you’re not. You can hear cars whizzing by on the interstate. So, it was not quite the full immersion in nature that I am used to with camping, but it was still good. Yay for bonding.

Monday proved to be a busy day for me, working with Grace Seeds from 9-3 and then with Build until almost 8. This was our first week of Becoming Women, a group at Build for high school girls who learn about teen dating violence. This group of girls will actually then present this material to community groups. Last year they presented to the police force! So on Monday we had 4 girls come and a few staff members joined for a peace circle. Connie (Build staff in charge of Becoming Women) laid out a bunch of feathers and ribbons in the middle of the circle. We were all instructed to pick up something that “spoke” to us and then tell the group about it. We were able to get pretty deep pretty quickly as many women in the circle chose pink ribbons to signify loved ones who have battled breast cancer. 

The program ended around 6 but Connie had to work until 7 and then she had to give one of the girls, we’ll call her Sam, a ride home. I hung out with Sam while she waited for Connie. Over the course of our 90 minute conversation (Connie was late), Sam told me some alarming stuff. She wants to have a baby next September (She’s telling this to a 22-year-old who is terrified at the thought of being responsible for a life-controlling, screaming, pooping infant). Neither Sam (17) nor her boyfriend (16) have jobs and both are in high school. I asked Sam why not wait until she at least gets her diploma, but she said “I can’t have a baby while I’m in college!”. All I could think was “and you really think you’re going to college when you have an baby?”. She is so idealistic about it, and I found it difficult to reason with her. Yay for adolescent cognition (human development is great stuff I tell you). So, unfortunately, after one conversation, I was not able to convince her that babies are a bad idea right now (since we’re being idealistic). However, I’m hoping that through relationships with me, Build staff, and peers she can put that dream on the back burner for a few years. 

Anyway, I also learned that Sam lost a 19-year-old cousin a couple years ago. She didn’t go into specifics, but I know that he was shot. Violence becomes a lot more personal when you make a personal connection. Unfortunately, Sam’s cousin’s death is not uncommon around these parts. A few weeks ago, one of the kids in church had just lost a friend to a shooting. 

As we talked about kids dying at young ages, Sam asked me if one victim was in heaven or hell. You know; just casual small talk. Not. I was terrified. This was heavy stuff, and I felt so unqualified to talk with her about any of these huge spiritual issues. We talked back and forth for a seemingly endless amount of time covering topics like original sin, heaven, hell, the devil, and forgiveness. That, coupled with the fact that I’d already had a sort of long day, and the fact that she was really hard to understand, made it a rather draining conversation for me. I feel like it should have had the opposite effect, but it is what it is. Another reason why I felt like a bit of a failure that night. I asked Sam if she felt better after our conversation, and she did say yes, but I felt like that was kind of a pity answer. Oh well. I invited her to church but we’ll see if that works out. Anyway, I’ll keep you all posted on that, but prayers are certainly coveted.

Hopefully my next post will be more uplifiting, but I wanted to share a couple of experiences with you all. Take care!

Clarissa